it's all good in the 'hood

it all started two years ago. shane and i decided that we should buy a house. we live in colorado...so we could not afford to buy the perfect house....one with a yard, basement, two/three car garage, on the water for candle-lit suppers and riparian delights, and room for a pony...we could afford a townhouse...with no yard, no basement, one car garage, not on the water (unless it rains really hard and the park floods) and definitely NO ponies. we were happy at first and even got a dog though our living situation would mean frequent dog walks and even more frequent poop scooping from the common community park. we loved our new furniture we got as a house warming present from my overly generous parents - I LOVE YOU MOMMY! we loved our huge (to us) kitchen with cabinet space for all my silly cooking devices. we loved THREE bathrooms. but, we suffered at the hands of a neighbor-who-shall-not-be-named (sound ominous huh?) because of our large dog and his large bark. we suffered the horrible parking/or lack there of when friends came over. we were plagued by teenage vandals in the park - spray painting and even attempting to light on fire our gazebo. we lamented no private yard. we were extremely jealous of those townhomes in the neighborhood with a/c and basements to which they could escape the heat. then...i was found to be with child...and i loathed our neighborhood more. i became the reclusive neighbor...the one who peaked out of the blinds and glared at those having fun in the park or chatting just a little too loud as they walked past on a stroll before dinner. i think i just didn't handle being pregnant well...i felt like i was in the movie alien and was being used as a host for something...creeps me out still! then the baby arrived - thank god it wasn't like in alien popping out of my chest and all that - she came almost to the day, one year after we moved into our house. i became even more reclusive...i think i suffered from post-partum depression actually. i began to dwell on only the negative stuff i saw around my house and neighborhood. even when my nieghbors would talk to me i would barely reply and was, i am quite sure, very rude to them...i apologize from the bottom of my heart - i have a horrible habbit of making poor first impressions and am frequently apologizing for my behaviour!

so while my kiddo was busy making fast friends with the neighbors with her daddy, i continued to stay inside and sulk. but one day - i can't pinpoint it - i snapped the heck out of it! i decided to join all the laughing smiling people in the park and i loved it. perhaps having a child makes you go out of your comfort zone a little more and more each day. children don't yet have that social boundary system in place and by association, you as the parent, are forced to abandon your personal bubble issues. all of a sudden things in the "hood" were different for me. the neighbor-who-shall-not-be-named was forgotten...mostly, new ways of parking friends' cars were found, and we commondeered the small patch of grass next to our house as "ours" (but we share!) and made our back porch a great hang out spot. we still don't have central a/c or a basement.....but we now have neighbors...no friends...who do and invite us over to escape the heat with them.

we've made a family of sorts in the neighborhood. there are families and couples with dog babies, no singles yet...but maybe someday, if we ever connect with the strange guy with the guitar. we share food, drinks, movies, music, and books. we are all so different as first glance but we all share a lot of background experience and interests. we play badminton into the night - with our special glow-in-the-dark birdie and have (newly named) "thirsty thursdays" together. but, most rewarding for me...and as my neighbor, dnsvm.blogspot.com, has already said...is having other women/mothers around me, supporting me, teaching me by example...befriending me and my little girl. that has meant the world to me. i feel safer in our neighborhood, i feel more at ease in this new life of mommyhood, and i feel like i have people to confide in. i love peeking out the window now, not with a glare but a grin, as i hear lister's bark as he gets walked down the street, or as i hear the twins and miss personality splashing in the pool, playing house in the gazebo, or running circles around each other through the trees in the park. now i want to scoop up my boo boo and run out there with them...i know the cold and snow will bring an end to some of the fun, but i think we'll adapt...and i can't wait!

the list...

so for a while now i have wanted to write a list of things i want to do/accomplish/achieve in my life. some are epic, some are mundane, some are not even close to being practical

so here goes in no particular order...

• take tennis lessons


• become a master at something/be the best in the world at something


• successfully make sushi


• have my own art show that i am actually proud of


• live in another country for 1-2 years


• look like i did when i got married


• finish the children's book i started a year ago


• start and complete another book i have an idea for


• illustrate said books


• be a better friend, wife, mother, daughter, neighbor...etc


• live in the moment


• come up with an epic life changing original idea


• be proud of who i am


• complete my arm sleeve


• find a job i love that pays me a lot of money


• take more time to volunteer and give back


• get out of debt


• take eisley to disney world/land


• go to hogwarts


• start a project that produces something tangible everyday for a year and record the process - and STICK TO IT and not abandon it after a week or two
• become fluent in german or french

well that's all for now - i'll add more i'm sure - any ideas for me on how to achieve these things - you know where to find me...

fairy cakes...

cupcakes, cuckoo cakes, mini cakes...

perhaps one of the easiest, but most rewarding baking you can do. simple ingredients, simple tools, come together to create an amazing, complex and delicious treat for 12. individual petite cakes - perfect on the go, perfect for portion control - that is if you can only eat one. i'm not talking about the big plastic box you buy at the grocery with day old cake, frosting with a crust and sprinkles still around from your mama's childhood years or boxed mixes complete with premade frosting and years old sprinkles (no offense - i know both are time saving to a certain extent but usually filled with LOADS of perservatives and junk). i'm talking about you and some flour, some sugar, and some milk (soy or cow's) and creating magic in your kitchen in about 25 minutes start to finish. mix it all up, spoon it in the cups and bake them...then, if you can wait till they are completely cool, let free all of your pent up creativity and create a masterpiece that you will be proud to carry around while wandering around your neighborhood looking for a friendly neighbor to share them with.

i made some really good cupcakes last night. i got the book Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World yesterday in the mail and decided that i couldn't wait to make some! i made the tiramisu cupcakes last night (cake was made vegan but i didn't have "vegan cream cheese" nor have i ever been able to find it- so i made normal icing) - let's just say this- to DIE FOR! i sent the remaining ones, after all the neighbors got one and me and shane each had one, to work with shane this morning...so we'll see what their verdict is when shane comes home tonight - they were from the night before so they might not be as good - but still - at 8am who can pass up a really pretty looking little fairy cake????

(i used starbucks coffee liqueur and a starbucks mocha dark chocolate bar for the chocolate curls, and hershey's special extra dark cocoa powder for finishing)

where the hell is matt?

Stream of Life
by Gitanjali

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.
It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.
It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.
I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

bento #3

bento #3:

baby carrots, edamame, teriyaki tofu, onigiri with black sesame seeds, and teriyaki quinoa balls.

bento #2

oooooh....bento #2:

baby carrots, edamame, onigiri (mine is made of bamboo rice - naturally that green color), tofu and veggie potstickers, tamari and potsticker dipping sauces, homemade (killer) blueberry muffin, and a banana!

i feel good...

i feel really good today. almost euphoric. weird.

it's raining outside - that might have something to do with - barometric pressure changes or something weird like that - like when women go into labor early because of a full moon or a freak snow storm in late may... maybe it can affect your mind too?

i did make fresh grapefruit, berry, and banana juice for breakfast this morning - fresh fruit gives you energy right?

i did some calesthenics too this morning - worked up a good sweat...perhaps i released an abundance of endorohins?

i haven't eaten dairy in a week....???

i left the house in a "clean" state...laundry done, dishes cleaned...what do they say? a clean home reflects a clean life...or something like that?

thanks god for whatever the reason behind my happiness and good feelings - ultimately it's you anyway!

my first attempt at bento!

it's not too pretty but kinda cute in a homemade sort of way! i gotta practice before eisley gets big enough to go to school - so shane gets cutesy lunches while i practice my "bento skills".

skinny b*$@h

so... i just read (literally i read it in like 3 hours) the book Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. it was recommended to me as a supplement to my reading of YOU: on a diet and The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood which i have mentioned before. it starts off telling you exactly the same stuff in the other two books - don't eat high fructose corn syrup, don't eat anything with dyes, eat whole grains, don't eat hydrogentated oils....blah blah blah boring i already KNOW this. but then.......the books hits you up side the head with the facts on meat and dairy in our society. wow. shane actually asked me what was wrong cause i was so shocked i couldn't speak. the book brought tears to my eyes, not only from the horrific stories (there aren't many - it's not a PETA pamphlet) of animal abuse and slaughter practices, but also from the policies or lack there of on the safety of the food that actually reaches our mouths via grocery stores and restaurants. i was pretty disheartened about my supposed "healthy" eating plan that i had in place for not only me but my husband and child. so that being said, we as a family are going to try and cut out most (if not all, in time) of our dairy and meat consumption. i want this to be clear too - that i don't in fact think it unethical to kill for food. i am concerned about how the food that i buy is killed and the seriously gross practices of the meat industry that compromise my family's health. i have ordered a few books from amazon to help us start slowly cutting out certain things... i'll post reviews as i read them...

for now, i leave you with an exerpt from the book. this is what put me over the edge.

"A worker at another poultry plant said, 'Every day, I saw black chicken, green chicken, chicken that stank, chicken with feces on it. Chicken like this is supposed to be thrown away, but instead it would be sent down the line to be processed.' Another worker at another plant said, 'I personally have seen rotten meat - you can tell by the odor. This rotten meat is mixed with the fresh food and is sold for baby food. We are asked to mix it with the fresh food and this is the way it is sold. You can see the worms inside the meat. " Skinny Bitch pg74.

take your health seriously - you only live once - now there's a different way to look at that saying!

p.s. the book does contain A LOT of profanity - i mean look at the title :) But, if you can get past it - it's brutally honest and a good quick, enlightening read.

the smell of summer...

the wind runs its fingers through my hair
the sun delicately kisses my face
the smell of summer tempts my nose
the trees whisper sweet nothings to me as i pass
the sky bright blue like silk
the clouds soft white like cotton
ducks drift lazily downstream
a butterfly challenges me to a race around the pond


i have just had what can only be described as an "amelie" moment. all was right in the world. i wish i could have filmed my bike ride this afternoon - it was poetic, inspiring, calming, perfect.

lately i've noticed that i am much happeir than i was about a year ago. maybe it's exercising more - that high that people say they get when they exercise - maybe it's finally kicked in for me. what ever the reason, i'm not as depressed or as down as i was before and i am glad! i feel like i am reclaiming my life once more and i like where it is heading.

one more thing - i don't know what smelled sooooo good outside today - but i wish i could bottle and sell it as the essence of summer - i could live in the smell today.