i know, i know

i've told myself time and time again - no expectations of grandeur this time ok?!?! but, nevertheless, i seem to find myself thinking way out at the big picture at what i hope to be able to do one day. which, may or may not be possible or probable. i typically shoot down all of shane's big grand ideas because, typically, i see all the tiny steps to get there and know (or presume to know) that he will give up or that the outcome of the all steps together doesn't justify the results of all the little ones in between. but now, i am realizing that maybe i'm wrong in all my assessments of his big grand ideas. maybe the little steps i see in his big plans aren't the little steps he'll actually take. maybe he will do things differently than i expect and the sum of the whole will be equal to the sum of the parts. what i'm trying to say is that through running i'm realizing that the small steps i take 6 out of 7 days a week count just as much as being able to run, say, 25 miles a week - that each of my little steps that i take may or may not add up to what i think the outcome will be. i ran 2 miles today - well run/walked 2 miles - it took me 33 minutes. that is slow by anyone's standards. BUT, i realized that speed doesn't count/matter. i still got out there and did it. i'm not ever going to win a race or set a world record. my true goal is to be able to do this running thing - and guess what i already am doing it. the time dedicated to running is more important than some distance or speed goal that i think i should be able to do someday. i just want running to be a part of my everyday life regardless of how many miles it actually puts on my shoes. right now, the dedication to get up early and run is enough and i'm ok with the idea that maybe that is all i will ever be up for. one day at a time determining to run. i read the book No Need For Speed by John Bingham and he outlines the cycle of inspiration and loss of interest or disappointment that usually happens when you don't see the celebration in the activity you're setting out to do. his solution is to find the joy in every run...no matter how small. He says you should think like this: Inspiration, Dedication, Perspiration, and Celebration - that way the cycle is just that, a cycle. when inspiration dies, like it inevitably will, the celebration of each run, finding the joy therein, will raise up new inspiration. this cycle isn't vicious - it's life giving.